Walking Alone in the Darkness - Suicide

* This is the continuation of the last post "Walking Alone in the Darkness" if you haven't read the first post you can read it here Walking Alone in the Darkness and  Walking Alone in the Darkness- My Birth come back to read this one.

"I was in my mother’s belly when for the first time I was going to die. Someone from my mother’s family told my mother to abort me. When I was 2 years old I was separated from my mother and I started to hate my mother and father

“Would it never stop passing through my mind that dirty desire of suicide? Is there is a God that can help me? The more they make me suffer that desire soon comes to my mind to take a knife and cut or officiate with a pillow. Never leaves you calm that desire is always there. Just waiting for something to happen soon come to your mind and torment you. That's when you ask yourself: Would it never end? When would I stop suffering? I know! When I kill myself I will stop suffering, because no one cares if I live or not, whether I or not because nobody cares. That’s why it's best to kill myself. But I have fear! , death will hurt or just a heavy blow and then not feel anything. When I have fears of not killing me that voice is always encouraged me to do it and I said "Do it! No one in this world care about you!  Nothing whistle of living”. That's when you take more strength and want to do, try, and try again, but do not want to die. You are still thinking it’s another chance that someone can help you, you can be happy and ask again and again: Do God exists? But you cannot answer that question until you know. Every day that passes, you look in the mirror and once you're the same person that nothing has changed and you have the desire to be happy, to know true peace and joy. Dreaming of when the big day to be happy will arrive, but you think it will never come. Then continue with your idea of ​​suicide. You might ask why I'm talking about this.”

Since very little I thought about killing myself because I had no happiness. From 5-12 year old this thought crossed my mind.

See you next week with the third stage! Don't miss it! And if you been reading this post why not sharing them with other people!